Why I don't want to stay longer

 

  "Many Koreans I've met wanted to stay here longer and didn't really want to return to Korea. What about you?"

 

  When I mentioned that I would be going back to my country before long, someone responded with that thought. I found myself wondering: do I want to return to Thailand after spending time at home? So far, I don’t think so. I can’t say anything for certain yet, but it seems unlikely.

 

  Why don’t I want to stay longer? Or rather, why do I want to go back? The simple answer is that I haven’t found anything deeply compelling here—at least, not yet. Perhaps it would be too arrogant to say this in front of people who are already living here and content, so I usually keep it to myself.

 

  That doesn’t mean I dislike it here. I enjoy my life in Bangkok and appreciate many things—teaching, my students, the people I’ve met, the delicious food, the beautiful sea, and the endless places to explore. But there’s nothing I truly love. No place, no person. And for me, that’s not enough. I need something more—something I love.

 

  I’ve already been here for over a year, yet I still haven’t found that "something" or "someone." By the time I leave, I will have spent two years in Thailand. I think two years is enough to experience and understand a place. Then, it’s time to move on. Otherwise, any time beyond that might feel like a waste. If I were to stay longer, it wouldn’t just be "staying" anymore—it would be settling down. And if I were to settle down, I would need something I truly love, not just things I like. At least in Seoul, I know I have that.

 

  It’s hard to explain all of this to everyone, especially to people I’ve just met. It feels too personal, too deep. So instead, I simply say, "I’m not sure yet." But this is what I truly think.

 

  Then again, who knows? Maybe I'll find something—or someone—just before the day I leave. And if that happens, perhaps I’ll come back.

 

  "I don’t have any plan yet. Maybe I’ll stay in Korea, maybe I’ll return to Thailand, or maybe I’ll go somewhere new. I don’t know for sure. But for now, Korea is my first destination. That’s the only plan."

  "I feel like you’ll come back."
  "Why?"
  "I don’t know. I just have a feeling. Or maybe... I just like this moment."

  And someone said, "Every meeting comes with a parting. That’s life."

 

  True.

 

 

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